I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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