all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
