btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there's paper in my vomit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize