Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
420 ftw
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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