Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
