Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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