there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
