i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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