i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
