god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
