This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
