im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Pants are for mortals
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
