I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
