I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize