you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
