Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
