dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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