he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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