We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
