its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
