the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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