dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
