dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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