i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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