Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
