Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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