every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
