didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
