I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize