I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
