Will you blow on my dice?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize