Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
