need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
