I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
