Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
