just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
