This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have aggressive nipples.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
