My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
