I'm really into asian looking animals
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
