How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
