Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
