My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
