forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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