for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
