i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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