shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
