He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My brain says no but my pants say off.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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