Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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