I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
