I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
