I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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