If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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