is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
