So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
