did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
