Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
