I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
