Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
