i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
