tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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