Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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