Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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