Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize