At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize