at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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