I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
