The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
