He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
