my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When are your genitals available?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
