this beer tastes like vomit already
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
