It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize