How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My penis needs a shock collar
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
