i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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