if i can run in heels then i can drive
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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