In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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