isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ttyl tear gas
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
