Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
