I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
