It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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