everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
