youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
