Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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