It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize