someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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