Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
