Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
