i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We named our party play list daddy issues
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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