idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
