Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize