i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
