Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
