I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
