Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
