Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
