girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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