I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
