I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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