I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
